Boundaries II
by on 1/14/2009 4:16:52 PM
So You Want To be An Artist? :
Boundaries Part 2
Last blog I talked about a hypothetical situation concerning an artist that got derailed from her art plan for the day, because she failed to have a plan for extenuating circumstances and failed to set boundaries for her life. Today I want to continue on with the idea of boundaries. First I am going to discuss boundaries for oneself, and then move on to establishing boundaries for others.
Everyone needs personal boundaries to be productive. Some boundaries are no-brainers, such as "you don't take personal social calls or surf the internet on the boss' time." However, once one enters the realm of "self employment" or "self motivation" it is often harder to establish boundaries for oneself. Some of the issues with boundaries I have heard are as follows (this is not an all inclusive list):
* I find it hard to stay motivated
* I find myself frittering away my time doing chores or surfing the web or whatever.
* Without someone to be accountable to, I find that I lose focus and get little accomplished
* I am distracted by bills, kids, friends, family or whatever.
Artists who have issues with boundaries may lack organizational skills. When I was a child, my third grade teacher determined in her infinite wisdom that I was mentally retarded, because I lacked organizational skills and because I refused to do work for her. I knew everything she was teaching, so my third grade mind did not get the point of useless repetition. Eventually it was determined that I wasn't retarded at all, but was actually "gifted"- another label, but I still lacked organizational skills. All my teachers wrote some version of "lacks organizational skills" on my report cards, but none ever offered to help me get organized, or if they did, their methods did little to help me.
If teachers wrote notes on the board, I dutifully copied them but lost the notes before I got home. If they created a folder to keep my work in, I would lose the folder or leave it at home or at school, thus defeating the purpose. In high school, I began to write notes on my hand- figuring that I would have my hand no matter where I was! That solution worked in the short interval, but was not a good solution for me in the long run.
Eventually, I learned that I am a creature of habit. I learned that I respond to visual cues. I also learned that memory requires attention to the "here and now" and that I was guilty of daydreaming instead of concentrating on the moment at hand. One must attend! If I walk through the house and lay my sunglasses down while I am thinking about something else, I will invariably forget where I put them. However, if I take a moment to think on a bit about what I am doing, I will remember! Attending to the details of the moment requires self discipline and it can be learned!
1-25-09 Boundaries continued:
So what do we as artists do to set boundaries for ourselves?
First, assuming that you have determined that you do indeed want to pursue art, you have to realize that no one else is going to make you successful but you. Even if you pay a person to promote your work, or an agent to help market to galleries, only you can create the work. Therefore YOU are the most important person in your creative pursuits.
Second, you have to realize that YOU and YOUR ART are at least as important as anyone else's pursuits. Therefore, you are entitled to create- as long as you are creating. This means that you have the right to pursue your art interests as diligently as the next person pursues whatever they are passionate about. It also means that you have the responsibility to manage the other facets of your life properly to allow time and money for art without neglecting other things.
The key here is balance. You need to give your art serious attention. Likewise, you need to not use art as an excuse to hole up in your studio or escape on a "plein air" excursion in order to avoid things you would rather not do. For example, it is not okay to leave your spouse with a bunch of screaming kids all weekend while you sneak off to the studio but yet you don't produce anything. It is not okay to make art that is not selling when your rent is not paid and your kids can't go to the denstist because you have no money. On the other hand, it is not okay for your spouse to dump the kids at your studio during your art time while he or she does something frivolous. It is also not okay for friends to call you and chitchat while you are trying to work, or show up at your studio to waste your time.
Here are some ideas to help you start to make the leap into taking your art more seriously, and setting the accompanying personal boundaries that go with serious intentions :
1. Establish a routine- set aside whatever time you wish to pursue art, and rarely deviate from your plan. Make a plan that works for you and your significant others, and stick to it. Success is generated with small steps over the long haul, not fits and starts with long intervals of inactivity in between.
2. Have alternate "back up" plans in case your "A Plan" gets derailed by circumstances beyond your control. This way you can still be productive, even though not in the way you might have originally planned.
3. Take control of your organizational skills by beginning to keep a notebook. This will help you figure out what you need to do to get organized, so when you find time in your busy schedule, you don't waste it trying to think of what to do.
4. Use "free time" wisely- meaning if you have a spare 15 minutes, don't fritter it away- instead have a list of "busywork" things that you need to do, organized by required time to do them. Look on your "15 minute list" for things like "reorganize paintbox" or "send out information packets to five new galleries" or "renew subscription to art magazine". If you have things to do on a list organized by the time they take to complete, you will always have a plan. Of course, don't put things on this list that have deadlines, such as mailing art show entries or ordering frames for an upcoming show. Those go on a list of things to do that are organized by due date.
5. Sit down and take serious stock of what you have, what you need, and what has to be done to make yourself successful.
6. Have a serious talk with your family or significant others and let them know what you want to do and that you would like their support. If they don't want to support you, then you will have to go it alone. If it is important enough to you, you will succeed in spite of them , not because of them.
So, once you have established that your art is a serious pursuit, and it is worthy of being taken seriously, you need to start taking it seriously. After you change your thinking by acknowledging that your art is just as meaningful as someone else's acting aspirations, real estate career, or other occupation, then you will subconsciously send off the vibe that you are on a mission and that you have purpose. In other words, once you have established boundaries for yourself as relating to art, this will help to create healthy boundaries between you and others. On the flip side, if you don't value your artistic pursuits, you will allow others to distract you or pull you away from working on your art. If this happens, you are sending the clear message that art is not that important to you. In that case you cannot blame them for derailing your plans if whatever they need is obviously more important than your casual and lackadaisical dabbling in art!
Setting Boundaries for others:
1. Sit down and figure out a workable schedule that takes into consideration your obligations to others. It is not so important how much time you have, but what you do with the time you have that counts. Again, a half hour five days a week is going to get you farther than a saturday afternoon paint-out once a month, but if a half day a month is all you honestly have, then use it!
2. Make sure you stand firm in defending your time to create. All the scheduling in the world wont matter if you capitulate to someone else who doesn't value your art, or abandon the art if you get a "better offer".
3. Control your exposure to others during your creative periods. Don't check email. Turn off the ringer on the phone. Make sure that friends know you are busy. This may be hard at first, but ask yourself, what kind of "friend" doesn't value your art enough to let you make it? Chances are, you would be better off wothout "friends" who don't think enough of you to leave you alone when you are working.
4. Make sure that you give as well as take. If your spouse offers to watch the kids or clean the house while you paint, then make sure you reciprocate by helping out when your spouse needs some personal time too. It is a two way street. Don't be seen as a boorish self centered egotist who violates the boundaries of others for personal gain.
5. Learn to say NO. There are nice ways to say it, but it must become part of your vocabulary. Say things like, "I am sorry, but I can't commit to that. I have a prior engagement." (You do, with your easel!) If it makes you feel better to offer another aternative, you can say, "No, I can't do the bake sale because I have to work on Thursday afternoon, but I could help out with the raffle on Sunday instead." (But if you offer an alternative, make sure you follow through.) If you don't want to do something, don't be guilted into making a commitment, but if you do commit, make sure you follow through.
6. Say YES or NO- don't say "maybe". Learn to be decisive. "I'll get back to you on that" is a load of poop and we all know it! If you legitimately have to check your schedule- try to put the burden of confirmaton on the other person- say something like, "You know Susan, I am not sure if I can do that, but I would really love to. Can you call me around six this evening and I will check my schedule and give you an answer then." However, if you tell Susan to call you, if you want to be taken seriously, you better make sure you answer the phone and don't dodge the call.
7. Take calls, appointments, and correspondence on your own terms. Don't let others manipulate you. For example, there is no need to pick up the phone to take a call from the irate customer or pushy acquaintance unless you are prepared to do so. If they call, let the message machine get it. Then listen to the message and mull over what you want to say. Then call them back when it is convenient for you. Don't dodge the call by failing to reply, but don't pick up if you are at a loss for how to handle the issue at that moment. The idea here is to be calm, composed and in control when you do call, and not to get caught off guard and thus be vulnerable to attack.
8. Don't allow others to set your schedule to the degree you can prevent it. Obviously, if you have a "day job" you have to work within the parameters set by your employer. However, if they are crossing boundaries by forcing you to work on days that were pre agreed to be days off, perhaps you need to have a chat with them. A good example is a friend I have who works in a service job. She was hired under the condition that she would be off on Friday evenings after 5 pm and an all day saturday until 5 pm due to her religious beliefs. In return, she is more than willing to work Sundays and holidays such as Christmas or Easter which are meaningless to her. She has been repeatedly scheduled to work on Friday until 9 pm and on Saturdays, because her religious beliefs are not important to her employer.
10. Make sure others value your time. A good example of this lack of courtesy is to be had in many doctors' offices. Your appointment was for eleven am but you are still sitting in the lobby at two pm. Occasionally there are emergencies, but more likely this shows that either the Doctor cannot budget his time, or he doesn't care about yours. To avoid this pitfall, try to get early morning appointments before the schedule has gotten out of hand, or get up and leave after telling the receptionist that you have another engagement and will have to reschedule. If the problem continues, perhaps you need to switch doctors. I have even gone so far as to bill the offender for my time when the problem was ongoing. I did not get paid, but it did send a clear message and I was seen within a reasonable time thereafter. Of course, the doctor could have just as easily refued to see me anymore, so this option requires a little caution and forethought before attempting it!
There are many more boundaries, and they could not possibly all be included here. I am merely trying to get you to think about what you are doing and how to effectively manage your time by establishing boundaries for yourself and for others to create harmony and productivity.
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